I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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