she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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