Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
