I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Who died my cat blue again?
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