I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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