You can't special order awesome
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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