His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
