I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
