I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
