My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
