My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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