I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
