Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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