Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
