Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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