a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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