I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
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Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize