remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
