i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize