Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
