Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize