did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
