I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
