Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize