just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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