I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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