I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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