were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
should my penis look like a turkey
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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