I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
