OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
