I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
