And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
birth control should be required to get into college
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
