i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
