I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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