I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
