Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we made out on top of his cat.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
