How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
