mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
