the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
