On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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