why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
