I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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