Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
