Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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