I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
