I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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