if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
