goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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