The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
