I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
