so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
