Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.