During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
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Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..