you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much