Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk