I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
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Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.