Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go