Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?