She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
