soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
