I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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