im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
