i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
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Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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