I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I believe in your delicious
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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