Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
