It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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