Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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