I'm jealous of your bromance
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
