Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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