If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
