last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
