I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
