mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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