"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
