there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
so much tequila, so little girl.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
