Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
