also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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