So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
