Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
