I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
