Sponge bath it is.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
