Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
