so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
bring money and cleavage
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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