Buhtt sex?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
