I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
