First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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