Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
