Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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